Tips for being married to a gamer
Posted by Stevieb | Filed under Funny, Gaming, General
Here’s the deal. As much as I love my wife, when it comes to gaming quite frankly I could shit myself I get so frustrated sometimes.
She knew I was into gaming when we got married, however just recently she has started to step up an offensive on my beloved gaming time. Now I know it’s not meant to drive me bat-shit insane; however it does. So if your husband/wife is a gamer, this wee nugget is for you.
Anger Management
If we are having a bit of a loud sweary moment given the frustration we experience in some games, the worst thing you can say is “But it’s just a game!”
We know it’s a game, and we know in the grand scheme of things it really doesn’t matter; however when you utter those words (and keep in mind if we are going mental shouting/throwing joypads/head-butting the wall) we are liable to fucking explode. We invest time and effort progressing in a game, and if something infuriates us that much to the point that we are visibly unstable, being condescending about it is likely to end you up in a pool of blood screaming “WHY O WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHHHHY!”
How much??
“Yes dear, this game cost £49.99.” Do not preach about “expensive” games; EVER. These are small nuggets of pleasure that we can escape away with when the mood strikes. Especially when you spend £70 on a HAIRCUT. O.k maybe that last point is geared more towards me. Anyway, the point is yes, £50 for a wee game may seem expensive (especially if you are guilty of my first point) but the few hours of escapism we get is priceless. Feel free to fuck off to the shops and spend an equivalent amount on yourself, at least it gives us an hours peace to play! 
FEED ME NOW!
On the rare occasion you do let us game for an hour or two, please don’t bring us food or drink while were busy. It’s not that we don’t like nourishment, it’s just that if we want it, we can get it ourselves. If I’m immersed in a game and you put a tin of beer and a plate of fish and chips on front of me it means I have to stop what I’m doing (as not to appear rude) and chow down. If you must provide us with sustenance, the please make it finger snacks, or meals that can be eaten with one hand to allow maximum pwnage.
Can I play?
As far as I’m concerned, you get one chance, and only once chance. I once let my wife join me online playing Rainbow 6 Vegas, after a good 5 minute breakdown of the controls we started. While I fucked up terrorists, she span round in circles staring at the roof/floor saying “This is just shit!”.
On the rare occasion you don’t wander aimlessly like a retarded rhino, and you can venture out of the spawn point, please don’t complain when you get pwnd within a matter of seconds and then proceed to blame it on the game being shit. You are shit, we have skilfully honed skills that only hours of staring blankly at a TV can achieve. Although, at the end of the day you are to be commended for at least trying.
Every freelancer will ‘get’ this…..
Posted by Stevieb | Filed under Awesomeness, Funny, Web Links
All to familiar to be honest….
5 Things You Shouldn’t Do On St. Patrick’s Day
Posted by Stevieb | Filed under Funny, General
When it comes to drinking, St. Patrick’s Day is the ultimate amateur night. Follow these five, easy steps and you’ll be able to celebrate the world’s greatest holiday the way it should be celebrated.
5. Don’t Cover Yourself In Promotional St. Patrick’s Day Shit
This isn’t Halloween, so leave the ridiculous costumes at home. St. Patrick’s Day is a celebration of Ireland’s heroic ability to drink, don’t turn it into a cartoon by showing up at a bar in a plastic green bowler hat, a lime green “F*** Me, I’m Irish” shirt and six pounds of green beads. How would you feel if the rest of the world dressed up as a bunch of fat, ignorant slobs who don’t believe in evolution every July 4th? Exactly. If you must, add a subtle touch of green to your regular wardrobe and hit the bar.
4. Stop Telling Everyone You’re “Actually Irish”
Just because your great-great-great Grandmother’s second cousin was from Donegal does not make you Irish. I hate to break it to you, but you are American. So stop trying to tell everyone that this is “your holiday.” You’ve never even been to Ireland.
3. Don’t Get As Drunk As You Possibly Can
I know this one is a little hard to understand, but it’s very important. While Paddy’s day is about drinking, it’s not a free pass to get pants-shittingly wasted. No one wants to hold their friend’s hair as he pukes up 13 green beers all over the pavement. That’s kind of a downer and it usually means the evening is over. If you’re not a big drinker, don’t try to go beer-for-beer with your friends who drink all the time. Instead, have 1.5 beers/drinks every hour. I know it sounds like a pain in the ass to keep track, but by midnight you will be at peak drunkenness and thanking me for it.
Another tip: Paddy’s Day is a great opportunity to hook up with the opposite sex. And girls usually don’t sleep with guys who are so wasted that they are either puking or shitting their pants. (Usually.)
2. Don’t Drink Any Non-Irish Booze
Don’t have one Guinness and then go back to drinking Wife Beater for the rest of the night. Show some respect to the country that gave you this holiday and stick to actual Irish spirits like Jameson (if you want whiskey) or Guinness and Harp (if you want beer) or Potcheen (if you want to die.) There are very few Irish vodkas and gins, so you’re probably going to have to do without your girly, flavoured cocktails tonight.
1. Stop Speaking In The World’s Worst Fake Irish Accent
It wasn’t funny the first time you said, “TAAAP OF THE MAAARNIN!” It also wasn’t funny when you yelled, “What about ye?” 50 times in a row. Your Irish accent sounds more like someone having their face stamped on than Colin Farrell. So just stop. Instead, why not befriend an actual Irish person and buy them a beer for giving us an entire holiday that makes it OK for everyone to get tipsy on a work night.
Christian Bale, batshit insane…..
Posted by Stevieb | Filed under Funny, Movies
NSFW!!
Am I the only one this thinks this is a slight over-reaction to the situation? Someone walked onto the set in his line of sight while filming then new Terminator 4 movie, unsurprisingly this was a distraction; however this reaction was just a touch melodramatic. Funny as hell though! 
Bloody actors…..
Sucks to be you.
Posted by Stevieb | Filed under Funny
I find when involved in an underground street fight, the best thing to do is spend a few seconds to intimidate your opponent by doing crazy back flips and various other funky moves….oh wait…..no…..
This is me, Steve Bremner. I’m a 29 year old recruitment consultant in the North East of Scotland. I’m happily married to Becky and have been together for 10 years. When I’m not busy being awesome at work, I’m generally being awesome at home doing awesome stuff. Check out the