Tips for being married to a gamer

Posted by Stevieb | Filed under Funny, Gaming, General

Here’s the deal. As much as I love my wife, when it comes to gaming quite frankly I could shit myself I get so frustrated sometimes.

She knew I was into gaming when we got married, however just recently she has started to step up an offensive on my beloved gaming time. Now I know it’s not meant to drive me bat-shit insane; however it does. So if your husband/wife is a gamer, this wee nugget is for you.

Anger Management

If we are having a bit of a loud sweary moment given the frustration we experience in some games, the worst thing you can say is “But it’s just a game!”

We know it’s a game, and we know in the grand scheme of things it really doesn’t matter; however when you utter those words (and keep in mind if we are going mental shouting/throwing joypads/head-butting the wall) we are liable to fucking explode. We invest time and effort progressing in a game, and if something infuriates us that much to the point that we are visibly unstable, being condescending about it is likely to end you up in a pool of blood screaming “WHY O WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHHHHY!”

How much??

“Yes dear, this game cost £49.99.” Do not preach about “expensive” games; EVER. These are small nuggets of pleasure that we can escape away with when the mood strikes. Especially when you spend £70 on a  HAIRCUT.  O.k maybe that last point is geared more towards me. Anyway, the point is yes, £50 for a wee game may seem expensive (especially if you are guilty of my first point) but the few hours of escapism we get is priceless. Feel free to fuck off to the shops and spend an equivalent amount on yourself, at least it gives us an hours peace to play! ;)

FEED ME NOW!

On the rare occasion you do let us game for an hour or two, please don’t bring us food or drink while were busy. It’s not that we don’t like nourishment, it’s just that if we want it, we can get it ourselves. If I’m immersed in a game and you put a tin of beer and a plate of fish and chips on front of me it means I have to stop what I’m doing (as not to appear rude) and chow down. If you must provide us with sustenance, the please make it finger snacks, or meals that can be eaten with one hand to allow maximum pwnage.

Can I play?

As far as I’m concerned, you get one chance, and only once chance. I once let my wife join me online playing Rainbow 6 Vegas, after a good 5 minute breakdown of the controls we started. While I fucked up terrorists, she span round in circles staring at the roof/floor saying “This is just shit!”.

On the rare occasion  you don’t wander aimlessly like a retarded rhino, and you can venture out of the spawn point, please don’t complain when you get pwnd within a matter of seconds and then proceed to blame it on the game being shit. You are shit, we have skilfully honed skills that only hours of staring blankly at a TV can achieve. Although, at the end of the day you are to be commended for at least trying.

Permalink | June 17th, 2010

2 Responses to “Tips for being married to a gamer”

  1. John Szczerba Says:
    August 9th, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    Printed and given to the Mrs; excellent article.

  2. Stevieb Says:
    August 9th, 2010 at 3:22 pm

    Cheers man!

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